You found a ten-second video on your phone of them snoring, and you have watched it more times than you can count. You want to do something for them, something that feels like enough, and so many of the lists you find end at a checkout page.
You don't need to buy anything to honor a dog or cat who passed away. The things people come back to are usually small and personal: a letter, a walk, a light on the same evening each week, their sounds saved somewhere safe, their story told to someone who listens. The Ohio State University Veterinary Medical Center puts it simply in its pet loss guide: ritual is important when you experience loss, and many pet owners find it helpful to celebrate and honor their pet's life.
If you only try one thing this week: pick an evening, light a candle or turn on a lamp at the hour you used to spend with them, and say their name out loud.
Why something small can matter
A ritual doesn't have to be religious or formal to count. In a set of three experiments on grief after different kinds of loss, researchers found that people who took part in rituals reported lower levels of grief, and that the benefit showed up even for people who didn't believe rituals would work. Those studies weren't about pets, so take them as a hint, not a promise.
Research that does focus on pets is more mixed. A review of studies on staying connected to a pet after death found that these bonds can sometimes make grief feel more intense, especially when people around you don't take the loss seriously. The same review found that the right kind of connection can also be a real source of support.
So treat everything below as an offer. If one idea helps, keep it. If one makes the day harder, set it down. There's no wrong way to do this, and the American Veterinary Medical Association says the same: the way people remember a pet varies as much as grief does.
Write them a letter
All you need is paper, or the notes app on your phone. Write to them, not about them. Tell them what you noticed the first day, the dumb nickname nobody else understood, what the house sounds like now.
If something is weighing on you, the letter can hold that too. The Ohio State guide notes that some owners find it helpful to write an "apology letter" to their pet, putting the hard feelings into words. You don't have to show it to anyone. Some people read theirs aloud once and tuck it away. Others add a line every few weeks.
Walk their route, when you're ready
If you had a dog, you probably know the route by heart: the corner where they always stopped, the house with the barking fence, the patch of grass they had to check every single time. Walking it alone, slowly, can be a way of saying goodbye to the places they loved.
It can also be too much at first, and that's okay. The Ohio State guide suggests that if walks bring up strong memories, you can walk at a different time and place for a while and go back to the old routine when you feel better.
For a cat, the "route" may be inside the house. The windowsill at 4 p.m. The top of the fridge. The warm laundry pile. Sitting in their spot for a few minutes, at their time of day, can be its own quiet visit.
Light a candle on a set evening
Choosing the same evening each week gives the missing a set time, so it doesn't spill into every evening. The Ohio State guide lists a candle lighting ceremony among the things people find helpful, done privately or with the people who knew your pet.
Use a candle you already have, or just a lamp by their photo. Say their name. Tell them one thing from your week. If you use a real flame, blow it out before you leave the room.
If you'd like company, Porchlight holds shared lights every Sunday at 8 p.m. Eastern, when people turn on a light for their pets at the same time. You can join from wherever you are, and you don't need an account to leave a light.
Save their voice and the videos you already have
Your phone may hold more of them than you think. A bark at the mail carrier. The chirp a cat makes on the way to the food bowl. Snoring. Ten seconds of a tail thumping on the floor.
- Search your camera roll. Many phones let you search for "dog" or "cat," and the results can turn up clips you forgot you took.
- Put them in one album. Give it their name, so you can find it on a hard night.
- Ask family and friends. A neighbor, a sitter, or a cousin may have a video you've never seen.
- Keep a second copy. Back it up to cloud storage you already use, or email the files to yourself.
You don't have to watch them now. It's enough to know they're safe.
Plant something from what's already in your kitchen
The Ohio State guide mentions planting living things that can carry the memory. That doesn't have to mean a trip to the garden center. A spider plant baby snipped from a friend's plant and set in a glass of water, or a few basil seeds from a packet already in your drawer, cost almost nothing. The ASPCA lists both spider plant and basil as non-toxic to dogs and cats.
If you have other pets, check the ASPCA's list of toxic and non-toxic plants before you bring any other plant indoors where a dog or cat could chew on it.
Do one kind thing in their name
The Ohio State guide also suggests donating time, money, or talent to an animal charity in your pet's honor. Time is free. You could walk dogs at a local shelter, foster for a weekend, or drop off the unopened food and gently used blankets they left behind. Call ahead, since every shelter has its own rules about donations and volunteering.
Tell their story
The AVMA encourages people to talk about their sorrow, and also about the fun times you and your pet spent together, the activities you enjoyed, and the memories that are meaningful to you. The ASPCA adds that it can help to remember your pet in a way that includes others who cared about them.
If you're not sure where to start, these questions from the Ohio State guide's idea of a pet journal are a good outline:
- How, when, and where did you meet?
- What nicknames did they collect over the years?
- What were their strange little habits?
- What did you love most about them?
- What will you miss the most?
Share the answers in a group text, read them at dinner, or keep them for yourself. If you'd like a place to keep the story with their photos, Porchlight lets you start a free memorial and write their story that stays online for as long as Porchlight runs, with no fee to keep it up. Family who live far away can visit it and leave a note.
For ideas that involve a little more planning, like paw prints, memorial services, or what to do with ashes, see our guide to pet memorial ideas.
If there are kids in the house
Children often want to do something too. The Ohio State guide notes that children often work through grief by drawing or other creative outlets. A crayon portrait taped to the fridge, or a few words for the Sunday candle, lets them take part in their own way. Invite them, but don't push.
If none of this feels right yet
That's normal. Some days, getting through the morning is the whole plan. The AVMA notes that everyone experiences grief differently, at a different pace, and there is no right or wrong way to feel.
If your sorrow or guilt hasn't eased after several weeks, or it's getting in the way of work, family, or daily life, the Ohio State guide suggests reaching out for more professional support. Our guide to free pet loss support lists hotlines and groups you can call or join from home, including some you can reach tonight.
Whatever you choose, even if it's just saying their name out loud, it counts.
If this helped, you can pass it on to someone who is grieving.
If you are thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988 in the US, any time.